It is so easy to get caught in that trap of saying no to little ones, disciplining and chastising all day long. Then when they do something good, we stop fussing but fail to offer a positive statement.
Tesa, of 2Wired 2Tired blogged on this topic a few days ago in her post called Catch ‘em Being Good with a great list of upbeat, positive things to say to children. With phrases like, “I knew you could do it!” and “you’re so helpful”, the idea of how we can positively “see” our children is reinforced. Dealing with negative behavior all the time is a drain on parents and can make little ones feel like everything they do is wrong.
It’s the old behavior modification technique. Create an opportunity for success, catch them in the act of ‘being good’ and give effusive praise-positive reinforcement! It works. Try it at home with your little ones. For example, Lila has one shoe on but has gotten distracted and forgotten the other shoe. You’re in a hurry and she’s clueless. One might be tempted to go with “I told you, get dressed, we’re gonna be late. You never finish dressing and I have to do …..” Instead shift the focus, “Great work Lila, you’ve got the left shoe on (throw in a little learning at the same time), let’s get the right shoe on now, I know you can do it. You’re really good at this.” When she does it, make sure she gets more praise. You may have to help her with the other shoe… place it near her, or start the process. The job is to make it a win-win.
When we praise kids we boost their self-esteem, avoiding negatives and changing the whole mood. I can remember clearly those days
when everything seemed to go wrong and I felt like a harpy by the end of the day. It was much easier to change my tone, and find something, anything to reward them for.
Another way to shift from wrong to right is to remove your child from temptation or the open can of paint. It’s much easier to see danger coming and make a tactical maneuver. If she’s about to empty the 250 count box of crayons catch her with a distraction or suggest a change in activity. Make it sound exciting and draw her attention away. Then, when she’s not looking, quietly remove the box of crayons. You’ve created a situation that won’t involve negative feedback and given your son or daughter a chance to engage in something you can both find satisfaction with.
If we want our children to succeed our job is to help them create a positive situation. We’ll get there much quicker with praise and encouragement. Wonderful! Great job!
What’s your favorite way of praising your children? Do you use anything other than verbal reinforcement?
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