My grandchildren were here over the weekend, spending three nights with me at the end of a 2 and 1/2 week long family vacation to see their other grandparents. It was a long trip with days in the car. When they pulled into the driveway Thursday afternoon I could hear both children calling my name as they exited the car. Everyone looked weary and ready to detach their bodies from the car seats.
The weekend was great, the weather had cooled some allowing us to spend time outdoors. We blew bubbles and the kids played in their new sandbox. A good time was had by all…much of the time.
Mealtime and bedtime were really tough. After weeks of being coddled by relatives and staying with other children having different schedules there was no rhythm or structure. Mom and Dad were tense and so was grandma. I live alone so having 2 kids in the house is noise I have to adjust to, even when they’re two precious bundles of joy.
I have basic expectations of how people should behave. I know that on one level but it wasn’t until this morning that I realized our expectations for the children’s behavior wasn’t realistic given the whole vacation experience. Mommy Lori, over at Mommyfriend has a post about Disneyland and expectations. Reading that I was struck by what we do to our children or grandchildren when our expectations don’t fit the reality of the situation. In my case, I expected the girls to sit nicely at the table and eat their meal-completely. And, instead the kids ate a little food, got distracted and left the table. Within hours, or maybe minutes, they were clamoring for food again. It was a bit like a war zone.
My house has lots of distractions, including 2 cats. For children it’s an adventure, with little doodads and novel items they don’t have at home. I do some basic childproofing before they arrive, but it’s impossible to know what will look compelling to a toddler. My collection of paper mache boxes for example, or the vase full of pine cones. I don’t like to be constantly saying no so the challenge is to understand their behavior, and their need to explore, touch and hold everything. Oh yeah, and not think to put it back where it came from! To hold onto the expectation that they will behave as they might at home is totally unrealistic. And, it just wasn’t happening. It becomes the adults’ job to modify the environment, create opportunities for praise and ‘happy experiences’ and to let go of our expectations. They are after all, just little children.
They slept in their own beds last night; I had a deadly silent evening at home all alone. I will miss them in a few days, but for now I’m enjoying the peace and quiet and ignoring the little bits of Cheerios I see over in the corner.
Photo by theirhistory at flickr.com
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