Telling our children the truth isn’t always that easy, but is it OK to tell them a lie? I don’t mean the little acceptable white lies about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Those are more like myths or fantasy stories that most parents don’t even consider lying.
What I’m thinking about are the other, bigger lies we might tell our children. It can start early when your little one asks something innocent you just can’t imagine asking or later when a pre-teen asked if you ever did something illegal or about your sex life before marriage. Those times!
I bet we’ve all told our kids the ice cream shop was closed when it wasn’t or that the store was out of powdered donuts. And, it’s a lie, we fabricated a story. And, if.. or when we get caught do we lose some measure of trustworthiness? I used to tell my sons that they might get in trouble for doing something wrong but they’d get in ‘bigger’ trouble if they lied. So, did I keep consistent with my own words? Frankly I can’t recall. I believe in being honest but I know that at times it might be safer, less painful or simply easier to change the story or to avoid disclosures that will upset. The rationale was probably “it’s for your own good”, a statement I heard more than once but was never completely convinced was true. And, though I might not have used those exact words I am sure I followed that old adage.
Kids ask hard questions, as early as age 2, they’ll ask stuff you just don’t want to address. Kids don’t seem to be born with that sense of tact or ability to hide their feelings. They are straightforward and direct and they deserve to be treated in kind. Matter of fact questions, like “your tummy is fat, is that another baby?” or ” why do I have to go ___________(fill in the blank), and “is the bird dead?”. Our charge as parents and grandparents is to be fair and honest yet we forget sometimes that the answer can be simple too…children rarely have an ulterior motive or want a long complicated answer. We adults are the ones who make it complicated. Yes the bird is dead, might be all the explanation that is needed. And, the end of the conversation.
What have you decided to do with your children? Are there things you won’t tell them? Is it lying or is it shaping the story for their safety and benefit… or your benefit?
Photo by Lightdrawer @Flickr.com
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